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sexycoach
Living Legend
United Kingdom
538 Posts |
 Posted - 30 Oct 2006 : 21:23:25
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Having had a very small number of hangovers over the years I have the following observations.
1 STAR HANGOVER
No pain, no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones with you.
You are still able to function well on the energy stored up from all those vodka red bulls.
However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.
Even vegetarians are craving a cheeseburger and a bag of fries.
2 STAR HANGOVER
No pain, but something is definately amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and capacity of a stapler.
The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbaring your rumbling gut which is now craving a full english breakfast.
Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer a vast amount of money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing emails to your mates!!!
3 STAR HANGOVER
Slight headache. Stomach feels c**p. You are definately a space cadet and not so productive.
Anytime a girl or lad walks by, you gag because the perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1.45am.
Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a kebab and a litre of DIET coke watching daytime TV
You have had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 6 chicken nuggets and a litre of diet coke and yet you havent peed once!!!
4 STAR HANGOVER
You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you cant speak too quickly or else you'll be sick.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze again!
You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks and you cant hide the fact that you (gender dependant) missed the crucial spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make up on riding the dodgems.
Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eues look like one big vein and you look like a reject from the Black Plague.
You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home, a cheeseburger and somewhere to be alone.
You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.
5 STAR HANGOVER
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the person next to you.
Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste in the corners of your mouth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, your mouth feels like the bottom of a budgies cage and your tongue is definately trying to suffocate you.
You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.
Death seems pretty good right now, your boss doesnt even shout at you anymore becaus you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because lets face it all you can manage to do is breathe. GENTLY.
6 STAR HANGOVER
You arrive home and climb into bed
Sleep comes instantly as you were fighting it in the taxi on the way home.
you get about 2 hours sleep until the noises in your head wake you up.
You notice that you bed has been cleared for take off and flying is relentless.
No matter what you do now you are going to chuck.
You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is a yacht under full sail.
After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off the pictures you find the toilet.
If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously combust and you wake the rest of the house with walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the toilet, randomly continuing to make walrus noises while spitting and farting. Help usually comes at this stage even if it is short lived.
Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and they go back to bed leaving you in the dark.
Your spontaneous eruptions have died back but you could swear you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.
It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you climb back aboard the skylark.
Your reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them taking you to hospital. You really are that poorly.
Work is not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that may make you sick again. Like moving.
Ok, hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover.
THOUGHT SO!!!!
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mrleech
Not yet a Jedi
72 Posts |
Posted - 30 Oct 2006 : 22:41:02
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| I do believe that I quite possibly have suffered each one of the hangovers!! So has Mr Leech after many a stupid drinking game they all seem to find so amusing!! Me myself think by now they would have learnt to grow up, instead of pretending to be like peter pan the little boy who didn't want to grow up!! Sorry boys love u all really Mrs Leech x |
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Tomituous
Who's the Daddy
143 Posts |
Posted - 30 Oct 2006 : 23:30:38
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| My monday morning was hangover free today......i was just knackered because someone decided to phone me at 2:15am knowing full well i had to be up at 3:30am and proceeded to shout "TOMMY" down the phone to me!! ;o) |
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mrleech
Not yet a Jedi
72 Posts |
Posted - 31 Oct 2006 : 00:09:48
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| Tommy y did u answer the phone and y didn't u have it switched off? U know what happens on these crazy wkends we have!!! After the beer kicks in we all do v.silly things!!! Ps Mrs leech wasn't there this time she'd been a good girl and gone home 2 bed early(there's a 1st time 4 everything!!) Mrs Leech (now mickey love with the big t.v u"ll not get confused 2 who is replyin!!!) hope this helps till I can get round to sortin my own web address I promise 2 do it soon x |
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gouldilocks
Who's the Daddy
United Kingdom
108 Posts |
Posted - 31 Oct 2006 : 16:36:56
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| Oi mrsleech - i sorted one out for you on sunday when i got back from the pub. Just change ur password in ur profile on ashtalk so that no-one (ie me) knows what it is!! If u've forgotten i'll text all the info to u again! Just let me know. |
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mrleech
Not yet a Jedi
72 Posts |
Posted - 31 Oct 2006 : 19:25:12
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| Gouldilocks I know u did but my computer was havin a fit when I tried 2 set it up! |
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gouldilocks
Who's the Daddy
United Kingdom
108 Posts |
Posted - 31 Oct 2006 : 19:36:48
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| you don't need to set anything up - just logout from mrleech and login as mrsleech with the password i set up for you! You can change your password once you are logged on as mrsleech!! Any probs give me a call. x |
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How would you rate your hangover???
