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sexycoach
Living Legend
United Kingdom
538 Posts |
 Posted - 07 Feb 2007 : 20:49:19
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This was actually a true letter sent from Tesco's!!!!!
Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or
boyfriend along shopping
This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in
Oxford:
Dear Mrs. Murray,
While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and
your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our
surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine
products aisle.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
Calor gas stove.
7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he
began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants
were.
10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.
11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.
12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled
"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices
again."
And; last, but not least:
14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."
Yours sincerely,
Charles Brown
Store Manager
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gouldilocks
Who's the Daddy
United Kingdom
108 Posts |
 Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 20:39:26
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| First the pros--wobbly jelly--utes, now the turkeys. The chances of getting a gobble in Sussex are getting quite remote....... |
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gouldilocks
Who's the Daddy
United Kingdom
108 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 20:51:27
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"Mummy, where do new babies come from?"
"Well, your Dad makes what's called sperm and puts it inside me."
"Do you swallow it Mum?"
"No, thats for if you want a new dress!!"
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mrsleech
Who's the Daddy
Bahamas
148 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 21:16:44
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Whoa she is still alive welcome back Gouldilocks!! |
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mrsleech
Who's the Daddy
Bahamas
148 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 21:19:43
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Hey that tesco letter is just like shopping with Mr Leech and it's all so true, I find all men in supermarket's annoying. I only take mine to carry the bag's!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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mrsleech
Who's the Daddy
Bahamas
148 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 21:26:09
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| A lady walk's into a pharmacy and asks if they sell extra large condom's. "yes madam would you like to buy some?" "NO" repies the lady, "but do you mind if I stand here and see if anyone buy's any?" |
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gouldilocks
Who's the Daddy
United Kingdom
108 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 22:08:18
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Ooohhhh yesssss!!!
Still very much alive!!
Got this one today - made me chuckle!!
RECTUM DEODORANT, POSSIBLY THE BEST BLONDE JOKE EVER!
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "We don't have any!"
"But I always buy it here," says the blonde
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who
looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of
underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud
from the container.........
. . . (Wait for it)...
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.
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gouldilocks
Who's the Daddy
United Kingdom
108 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 22:16:56
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Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms but
kept the same tag lines...
Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better.
Tesco Condoms - every little helps.
Nike Condoms - Just do it.
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
KFC Condoms - Finger licking good.
Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.
Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Pringles condoms - once you pop, you can't stop.
Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper.
Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide.
FCUK condoms - no comment required.
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?
Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long.
Renault condoms - size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin.
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - it's dry and waterproof in 30 minutes.
Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim ! ! ! (Please).
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach.
Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world.
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service.
Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of a animal.
Polo condoms - the condom with the hole
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gouldilocks
Who's the Daddy
United Kingdom
108 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 22:23:48
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Computer password
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...
P.....
E.....
N.....
I.....
S.....
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
PASSWORD DENIED - NOT LONG ENOUGH
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mrleech
Not yet a Jedi
72 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 23:35:42
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What's got four leg's and goes BOO?
A cow with a cold!!!! |
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mrleech
Not yet a Jedi
72 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 23:37:43
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What has two grey legs and two brown legs????
An elephant with the squits!!! |
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mrleech
Not yet a Jedi
72 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 23:39:40
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What's brown and bump's into the furniture????????
Jordan's son |
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mrleech
Not yet a Jedi
72 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 23:43:05
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Did you know there are female hormones in beer?
If you drink too much it makes you talk **** and drive badly!!!!!!!!! |
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mrleech
Not yet a Jedi
72 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 23:49:49
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A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre
So the barman gives her one!!!!!! |
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mrleech
Not yet a Jedi
72 Posts |
Posted - 08 Feb 2007 : 23:56:11
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| I just bought a new car stereo. When you shout out soul it play's soul music, when you shout out rock, it plays rock. Some kids ran out infront of my car, I shouted f***ing kids. It played Micheal Jackson!!! |
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Funnies
Topic Locked
