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sexycoach
Living Legend
United Kingdom
538 Posts |
 Posted - 23 Apr 2007 : 17:17:20
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God!! Has anyone got any paint drying I can come and sit and watch. PLEASE. |
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sexycoach
Living Legend
United Kingdom
538 Posts |
Posted - 23 Apr 2007 : 17:19:54
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Actually I suppose I am an old fashioned sort of a gal!!!! And I don't really like naughty words especially the one that the Webmaster keeps using and getting smacked by some old lady for!!! |
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M-Love
Moderate!
United Kingdom
376 Posts |
Posted - 23 Apr 2007 : 17:26:47
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| you're not meant to read all of it you clown! |
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mrsleech
Who's the Daddy
Bahamas
148 Posts |
Posted - 23 Apr 2007 : 21:30:10
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| Hey Mr. P. Thrust, may one enquire to where did you get this load of nonsense from. What is one trying to say. If mine is true either form of my name you know me to well |
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M-Love
Moderate!
United Kingdom
376 Posts |
Posted - 23 Apr 2007 : 21:57:08
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| It was forwarded to me via email at work (busy busy)- yes it's extremely spooky how accurate it is. |
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rachsalt
Don't call me Shirley
17 Posts |
Posted - 23 Apr 2007 : 22:37:55
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| Seeing as there's no Rachael can i keep the Rachel one? Be nice to be gravity defying. |
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M-Love
Moderate!
United Kingdom
376 Posts |
Posted - 23 Apr 2007 : 23:49:56
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| yeah sure no prob Salty |
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rachsalt
Don't call me Shirley
17 Posts |
Posted - 24 Apr 2007 : 22:33:16
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| And saltpot wants to know is it a ten pound note or ten pound coins? |
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sexycoach
Living Legend
United Kingdom
538 Posts |
Posted - 26 Apr 2007 : 17:00:04
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Romantic English Poem
>> An English Love Poem
>>
>> Of course I love ya darling
>> You're a b****y top Notch bird
>> And when I say you're gorgeous
>> I mean every single word
>>
>> So ya bum is on the big side
>> I don't mind a bit of flab
>> It means that when I'm ready
>> There's somethin' there to grab
>>
>> So your belly isn't flat no more
>> I tell ya, I don't care
>> So long as when I cuddle ya
>> I can Get my arms round there
>>
>> No woman who is your age
>> Has nice round perky breasts
>> They just gave in to gravity
>> But I know ya did ya best
>>
>> I'm tellin ya the truth now
>> I never tell ya lies
>> I think its very sexy
>> That you've got dimples on ya thighs
>>
>> I swear on me grannies grave now
>> The moment that we met
>> I thought you was as good as
>> I was ever gonna get
>>
>> No matter wot you look like
>> I'll always love ya dear
>> Now shut up while the football's on
>>
>> And fetch another beer
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sexycoach
Living Legend
United Kingdom
538 Posts |
Posted - 28 Apr 2007 : 10:08:12
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Irish Diet
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from friggin skippin' !" 
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sexycoach
Living Legend
United Kingdom
538 Posts |
Posted - 10 May 2007 : 16:36:30
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(Obviously it works better to music, very loud and in the shower)!!!!
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died!
But I'd spent so many years just waiting for a man that long, that
I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on...
But there you are, another lie,
I was ready for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry!
I should have known that it was bulls***t, just a sad pathetic dream
Should have known there was no Anaconda lurking in those
Jeans!
Go on now - go! , Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches, then turn up with only 4!
Weren't you a brat to think I wouldn't find you out!?
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size don't count??!!
[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud!
But to hell with your ego and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed!
[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I have batteries,
My sex life's gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex,
With a handful of latex!
I will survive! I will survive! Hey! Hey!
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sexycoach
Living Legend
United Kingdom
538 Posts |
Posted - 05 Jul 2007 : 19:28:01
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A man boarded an aircraft at Heathrow and took his seat.
As he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! She
took the seat right beside him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he
asked, 'Business trip or vacation?'
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said 'Business. I'm going to the
annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States'.
He swallowed, here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for
nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your
business role at this convention?'
'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use my experience to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really', he smiled, 'what myths are those?'
'Well,' she explained,' one popular myth is that African American
men are the most well endowed, when, in fact, it's the Native
American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when
actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories
are the Irish,'
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she
said, here I am telling you all sorts of things and I don't even know
your name.'
'Tonto,' the man said...
'Tonto Papadopoulos , but my friends call me Paddy.'
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sexycoach
Living Legend
United Kingdom
538 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jul 2007 : 17:01:35
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A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for
>Christmas dinner.
>
> This is to be her first time meeting the family and she
>is very nervous.
> They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
>
> The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort,
>thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are
>almost making her eyes water.. Left with no other choice, she decides to
>relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
>
> It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the
>poof.
> Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her
>boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the
>woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".
>
> The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came
>across her face.
> A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the
>pain again.
> This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much
>louder and longer rrrrrip.
>
> The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit
>Skippy!"
> Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few
>minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even
>think about it.
> She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
>
> Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust
>and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she ****s on you!"
>
>
>
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sexycoach
Living Legend
United Kingdom
538 Posts |
Posted - 13 Jul 2007 : 09:05:46
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Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming
>around in the sea, one called Justin and the other called Christian. The
>prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that
>inhabited the area.
>
>Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a
>
>prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries
>
>about being eaten."
>
>
>
>A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted." Lo
>
>and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian
>
>immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
>
>
>
>Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark
>
>boring and lonely All his old mates
>
>simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize
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>that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
>
>
>
>While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he
>
>thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a
>
>prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo
>
>and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
>
>
>
>With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his
>
>friends and bought them all a c**ktail (the punch line does not
>
>involve a prawn c**ktail - it's much worse). Looking around the
>
>gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
>
>
>
>"Where's Christian?" he asked.
>
>"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to
>
>the enemy & became a shark," came the reply.
>
>
>
>Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture,
>
>He set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories
>
>came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted: "It's me,
>
>Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
>
>
>
>
>
>Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the
>
>enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
>
>
>
>Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed........."
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>(You're going to love this.....)
>
>
>
>
>"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian."
>
>
>
>
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sexycoach
Living Legend
United Kingdom
538 Posts |
Posted - 13 Jul 2007 : 15:17:32
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A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose and then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
Yes said the woman nodding,
"Pepper."
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Funnies II - The Sequel
